Send your reviews:  zakas@aliensurgeon.com  

       Post your 2 CENTSWORTH    

Surf Pirates pillaging the Spanish Inquisition, 
chasing Goat Suckers with Robotic Nano Tech.
Dreamland UFO's landing on the Face of Mars 
and Native Americans dance to Chinese Reggae. 
Brom paints beyond LOTR 
allowing Karma's Love Revenge to slip quietly back into the sea.

Buy now $10.00 (with registration) $11.99 (without)
http://gfo.buyol.com/Item/ZAKAS-INC-CD.htm 

In capital letters, and with all of the enthusiasm in the world, I proclaim to you: I CANNOT BELIEVE HOW ECLECTIC THIS CD IS! This is an odd comment coming from a girl who thinks that most types of music nowadays are just poor rip-offs and replications of other people’s sounds; who thinks that originality in music is a long-lost art form. Zakas, however, is so refreshing in style and form that I’m taking off my bitter and cynically tinted glasses and replacing them with a pair of rose-colored ones.

Zakas, a Las Vegas musician and programmer, collaborates with 26 other individuals to put together the intriguing Illegitimus Non Carborundum (and for those of us who slept through Latin class in ninth grade, the title translates into “Don’t Let the Bastards Grind You Down.”) The long list of musical talents featured on this CD include vocalists, electric violinists, a flugelhorn player, a saxophonist and a Chinese narrator, along with Zakas himself who is in charge of “all drums, percussion, programming, theramin, unusual noises and vocals.”

Again, let me take this opportunity to point out that this is the most original and eclectic CD that you will ever take pleasure in hearing. Zakas’s music will draw you in wholeheartedly, hold fast to your deranged and unorthodox mind and twist your thoughts and ideas past the breaking point. It will change everything you thought you knew about music as the luscious juxtaposition of jazz, 1980’s metal, hard rock and programming warp your listening expectations.

The best part is, all of this wonderful musicianship is displayed within the first twenty seconds of Illegitimus Non Carborundum. Monster Surf, the first of eighteen tracks on this album, is a three-minute romp through the Space Age complete with groovy beach-style guitar strumming and slight gothic undertones. If anyone was searching for a summer anthem, something to listen to on your beach blanket. Humor reigns supreme on this CD, especially track four entitled Row. Every moment of this five-minute piece pays homage – in a seemingly comedic sense – to the life of a pirate and his crew. There is no singing, only talking (in a wonderfully cheesy pirate-style voice, complete with a few “args” for your listening pleasure) and the instrumentation provided in the background is of professional quality. Rocking heavy-metal guitar riffs dominate this piece and the violin adds just the right dissonance to the beginning and ending of the song.

Track thirteen, House of Kang, is another perfect example of the humor Zakas is fond of using in Illegitimus Non Carborundom. Opening with a light crash on the gong, this track features narration in a flowing, laid-back Hawaiian style promoting the mysterious sounds of the Far East with the modernization of the West. A woman’s voice during the mostly-sung chorus adds the perfect Chinese flavoring and the soft, skilled flute playing is dreamy towards the ending. But behind the humor there is truth. God’s Black Space is a mostly-spoken piece featuring the mysteries of alien artifacts and former civilizations on Mars, set to bizarrely disturbing violin playing and the repetitive, haunting clang of a bell. Micro Mechanisms, which begins with an intense bass line and marching, stringent drumming, discusses the onset of Nanotechnology in a PSA-style dialogue. Ominous tones plague both of these pieces, making sure that you never forget what you just heard – musically and informatively.

However, the most bizarre (and I mean that in a positive way) song on this CD is track eight, entitled El Chupacabra. Starting with the rapid, frantic voice of a woman speaking Spanish and quickly changing into upbeat, Mexican-style trumpeting, this song had me running to Google to figure out just what in the hell a “Chupacabra” actually is. Seven years of Spanish classes and a trip to Madrid certainly did not prepare me for what I read about the subject. According to legend, El Chupacabra, or “The Goat Sucker” (for those currently unable to find their Spanish-to-English dictionaries), was first spotted in Puerto Rico in 1994 drinking the blood of goats on several neighboring farms. Since its exposure 10 years ago El Chupacabra, which looks like a four foot tall version of Sonic the Hedgehog with big, black alien-like eyes, has been spotted all over South America. As a fan of anything extraterrestrial in nature, I’ve been checking for El Chupacabra every night in the woods adjacent to my apartment complex and have put off plans to visit South America indefinitely. Anyhow, ignoring my fears and turning back to the matter-at-hand, this four-minute track is musically intelligent and, at points, surprisingly upbeat. The drumming and Rush-influenced guitar playing is out of this world (all pun intended). This is a track that should not be skipped over.

Want visuals to accompany the music? You got it. Just check out the cover art and you’ll get a feel of the type of mind-blowing, science fiction influenced music that you are in for. The front cover is a gothic, sci-fi hybrid featuring a Satanic-like wolf pulling away in injury from a guy attempting to stab the shit out of him, who looks surprisingly like Magneto from the X-Men comic book series. The inside art is a haunting drawing of three pyramids floating in very murky water; which, for some reason (and I’m not high when I say this) look like they are moving towards me, actually creeping towards me. And the art on the back of the CD is a horrible, green-eyed alien creature covered in scales and dripping blood from his barracuda-shaped teeth. The artistry is dark, different and exotic, and buying a copy of this CD for the artwork alone would be well worth it.

From the passionately trippy, jazzy saxophone playing in R.I.F.T. (Realms In Floating Tranquility) to the Celtic, battle-like intensity of War Braid, Illegitimus Non Carborundom has something for everyone. This is a bizarre collection of music, but a good collection of music, with musicians who know exactly how to play their instruments and utilize their talents to the fullest of their abilities. So make sure to listen to this CD. Or the aliens and pirates and El Chupacabra will come to get you. Zakas promises it.

      By Manda L. Earp

-- Michael Moorcock

Cydonian Imperative
9-27-03

Review: "Illegitimus Non Carborundum"
by Mac Tonnies

Las Vegas musician Zakas ("Shunk Daddy Grind") has
released his second studio album, "Illegitimus Non
Carborundum." Like Zakas' eye-popping website,
"Illegitimus Non Carborundum" is a topical, irreverent
labyrinth. A first listening reveals a paranoid -- but
playful -- fusion of styles and genres, with a healthy
emphasis on technology run rampant ("Micromachines,"
which suggests pending developments in
nanotechnology), urban myth ("El Chupacabra," which
boasts a convincing "live" depiction of the elusive
South American blood-sucker) and cosmic censorship
("God's Black Space," about the Face on Mars and our
culture's pervasive instruments of knowledge
filtration).
"God's Black Space" -- an angry, guitar-driven song --        
is interspersed with narration adopted from the
Cydonian Imperative, making it the first musical
venture I've had anything to do with. I'm even
credited in the liner notes. So while I can't help but
listen to "Illegitimus Non Carborundum" without a
measure of personal bias, I find myself liking this
weird, uncategorical album for its purely intrinsic
qualities. Zakas's album is unpretentious, raw and
ever-so-menacing, an undistilled spew of sounds and
textures like the soundtrack to some never-produced
indie sci-fi movie. Alternately grinding and breezy,
"Illegitimus Non Carborundum" is punctuated by some
well-conceived and engaging instrumentals (i.e.,
"Monster Surf," "Dreamberry"), which highlight the
record's predominantly metallic soundscape.

"Illegitimus Non Carborundum" is one of the quirkier
CDs you're likely to hear in this lifetime. In 18
tracks, Zakas had managed to create the sonic
equivalent to conspiracy-culture's collective
overmind. The result, spontaneous and pregnant with
images, is an aural singularity crafted with precision
and even humor.

"Illegitimus Non Carborundum"
can be ordered online from Zakas' official website 

  www.aliensurgeon.com 

          -end-

    by Mac Tonnies

www.johnniems.com

Zakas is this guy who makes songs using instruments and a mouth and puts them on
pretty shiny round things that go spinny spinny spinny and make with the noise. One
of his songs is called "El Chupacabra" and the rest of them aren't.

-=ShoEboX=-

Sean Madden

http://www.cdstreet.com/cgi-bin/artisthome_db.cgi?1241043 

I've worn out your new album, ...I really like the whole album as a whole, by the way...it's terrific...now my absolute fav is track 7 , that beautiful instrumental...I have time to play it 3 times, back-to-back,  on my way to work at 4 am..it's a perfect mellow beginning of my day....my fav vocal tracks are, in order, 3, 9,6 (6 is growing on me-I could change it to fav vocal) ,18,17 and 13, fav instrumental tracks, in order, 7,16 (love it too), 1 and 2 combined, and track 19, which sounds like YOU having lots of fun!!! oh, and Jeni wants to know what a theramin is, and if those are Las Vegas coyotes in the background on one of the songs--she's such a pain!! lol....I told the grandkids I thought maybe #3, terror of the seas and a few others could have been used on the movie "Pirates of the Caribbean"...were they?? I didn't see it yet, but they seem like a good fit!! so anyway, I love the album, and we all thank you for the CDs!!

Camarila (Wanda England)

Illigitumus Non Carborundum ("Don't Let The Bastards Grind You Down"), indeed it would be very difficult to grind down a band this all over the place. Apparently the brain child of drummer Zakas (with a little help from 26 other musicians) INC starts with what is definitely surf music, but with a menacing tone to it. Tarck 2 brings a Progressive and Jazz hybrid with female vocals. Track three is definitely metal but quirky (good stuff). Track 4 is metal with a pirate story spoken over it. The following two continue the pirate theme only to be replaced by track 8 with a Latin theme ("El Chupacabra") where a solid metal song has female Spanish vocals and then...a Latin Horn Section over it. If you're getting the feeling this is all over the map you'd be right. Progressive and Jazz influences continue to pop up and Surf makes a return both musically and lyrically for the outro. Mars gets a lyrical turn and also some downright frightening lyrical hatred on "Reusable" ("Liar, Liar, face on fire, what you need is red hot pliers, digging in, ripping skin, tear away all your sins" and it sounds from the heart, yikes!).

If this gives you the idea this CD is one big mess, you'd be wrong. It all somehow works and holds attention well. The production could definitely use some more punch, but the musicianship standard is high. For the most part traditional metal, but at the same time like no metal you've ever heard (although at times a slight resemblance to Sacred Blade is noticeable). When you're ready for something really different.

Mike Ballue---Hellride Music

Gerona Godwin:

ILLEGITIMUS NON CARBORUNDUM:
 1. Monster Surf- Cool bassline, Nice "hanging"
guitar chords; SwEeT guitar hook--cool surfing riffs;
Sweet addition of a sax solo; Nice variations of high
sounds--they scream at you; Nice wierd sound
effects--a wolf howling at the moon in background.

 2. Water Witch- smooth flow of music--drums, guitar
beat, (I hear slight strings in background); a woman
sighs in "aah", like a ghost--cool effect, kind've
gory.

 3. Terror of the Sea- SwEeT guitar intro; Nice
guitar sound/ vocal accompaniment--cool of the guitar
playing the vocals, guitar screams lead vocals in solo
[I'll try it]; strings mellow out music to change
mood, simple string notes change pace of song to
introduce a flute solo (with lots of men's work in
background--glass/chains sounds) Nice guitar hook.
"yo ho ho, and a bottle of rum"

4. Row- (Cool theme on a deck of pirates) A Captain's
conversation; keyboard and single notes of strings
played; deep bass brings a pace of hard work to row
all day and get to their destination; orchestrated
strings brings some hope to their journey; electric
strings hum in background; the lead guitar screams and
changes the mood to chaos--bass line hits, fast drum
tempo, sweet guitar hook and guitar solo [want to
try];  Nice electric strings [will try]; changes to
the hopeful beat as the waves ride clear; nice
electric string in background; guitar solo (lead/bass)
changes paces [will try], SWEET electric string
solo!!! [TRY IT!]; lead guitar screams thousands of
riffs [will try]; cool pet parrot (I hope it doesn't
have to walk the plank); then ends in dramatic cut.
(Its cool that the song has a rock outro then returns
to drama)

5. Wreckage- Nice drum rhythm; guitar lightly flows;
lead guitar begins slight phrases

6. Washed Ashore- Music awakens w/ a beautiful string
serenade [will try]; bongos introduce new pace, nice
drum beat and guitar beat combo--change up's with
each other; sweet vocals; SwEeT guitar hook (luv the
beat phrasing); bongo solo keeps tight beat; electric
strings rocks a solo--SWEET!!! --a fiddler hook,
strings are on fire screaming like a heavy metal
guitarist [DAMN!!, must try]; transition changes scene
to a dramatic yet calm voice w/ the violin; guitar
screams to become the voice of the song w/ electric
violin [will try].

7.  R.I.F.T- (Hispanic flow--like Santana) opens w/
weird sound waves--effect of wind blowing, acoustic
guitar sings w/ a latin accent, sax takes solo, the
two instruments sing a solo and work together to
better each other--a beautiful orchestration with both;
and the double solo ends being washed away by a wave

8. El Chupacabra- (Creative use of Old McDonalds
farm--chickens, cows, horses) hard a$$ guitar scene w/
trumpets; trumpets/horns accompany bass beat, then
spinning guitar hook; cool guitar solo.  But why kill
the chicken?? :-D

9. Micro Mechanisims- Nice bass intro; cool guitar
solo [TRY]; good orchestration; nice guitar solo; cool
use of infomercial on machines; flute sings solo; nice
drum beat/pace; SWEET guitar solo at end ,
it screams riffs to an even faster tempo and takes
away the joint into a tornado

10. Dreamberry- Female vocals, has a nice voice; nice
beat of weird echoing sounds--drifts you away; laid
back vibe and relaxed; guitar follows one vocal part,
guitar solo uses hispanic style 

11. God's Black Space- (News on NASA and aliens) NICE
electric string solo; electric guitar crys
a dramatic solo, cool vocals

12. War Braid- song opens as if preparing for
battle--partiotic horns; slight string background;
Tight guitar beat; flute/horn sing to change the mood;
Nice guitar solo ; flute sings nice solo


13. House of Kang- Cool/diverse drums (thanks Steve),
cool bass beat; nice vocals

14. World Bromination- Nice vocals, Sweet electric
string rush , and sweet string hook w/ the
guitar; tons of orchestrated music; cool guitar solo
[will try]; Nice Rock tip for the strings--speeds up
vibe; Nice change up with strings/guitar; New dramatic
vibe w/ a man speaking of discovery's; flute or horn
blows a breeze to the music

15. One Ring- a solemn piano sound; strings set the
tempo, plays a scene of horror, guitar follow the
vocals (nice orchestration), trumpets/horns blow; nice
vocals [I'd follow them on the viola] "..in the land
of mortals..."; strings keep returning to beat/sound
of horror and the trumpet blows proud with them--has
cool beat lines; guitar screams w/ the singer

16. Dreamberry Dream- Nice echo sounds; sax sings its
solo, sax flows awaken with the sun rise,
unknown instrument takes the beat, guitar voices the
lead singing the vocals, guitar hums solo, bass sings;
a slower song but upbeat with the drums

17. Reusable- bongos w/percussion take stage w/ vocals
"liar liar, face on fire", tight bass line and attack
of guitar screams 

18. Soul Surf- Cool bass intro; guitar sings simple
chords, nice sax solo

19. ?- cool beats of the percussion side--drums,
chimes..., nice tempo to keep the party going after
this disc.

Zephingol

This stuff moved me more than a gallon of ExLax!  Buy it!

RK Post:

Blue